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Summer Romance

 

I’ve always heard of summer romances and on some level, I’ve always wished to have one. Last summer I got to experience one and I’m not quite sure, even now months later that I quite understand it myself. It was July 16th when I met someone. He’s kind and he’s sweet, even know I hold him in high affection. We met when I was in Boston down Quincy Market getting a pretzel, he was getting a pastry, a little carrot cake if I’m not mistaken from one of the pastry stalls nearby. I found him attractive, especially when I heard his accent when he ordered. My breath swelled and stilled in my chest for one brief moment as I passed behind him.

I made it to the other end of Quincy Market, had sat down on the steps, and had taken out my book of choice when I felt the movement of someone sitting themself down on the stair near me. He stretched out his legs, and I caught from the corner of my eyes his distinct dark brown corduroy pants and tan shoes. I fought to keep my breath from speeding and slowly turned the page of my book before tabbing the edge. I put the book down next to me, on his side and took up my pretzel, my distraction of choice, and picked it apart piece by piece.

I felt rather than see him pick up the book and leaf through it. The moments when your heart is racing and everything seems magnified, its when you feel something rather than hear it or see it. He was there, next to me, me with the short boy cut hair. Me wearing knee length shorts while the other girls around me were wearing the fashionable short shorts. "Looks like a good book." It took all my will power not to stiffen, or flinch, or anything really that would make me seem as uncomfortable as I was feeling just then. This was not happening.

I nodded trying not to seem too stiff. "Its nice, I’ve read it a good couple of times." Trying to seem smooth I leaned back on my left elbow while using my right hand to block the sun so I could get a look at him. Short blonde hair, not my usual type, glasses, shaved, the brightest blue eyes. He was short and slender, one could almost say scrawny. I like scrawny, it makes me feel strong, like I can protect them.

"I like books." He smiled and thumbed through a couple more pages, his eye brows arched ever so slightly, "knights eh?" He smiled, "I’m a history major." I nodded. "I’m taking a summer semester here at Boston College."

"Like it here so far?" I smiled and took a bite of my pretzel, hoping it would calm my nerves.

"It was boring so far, lots of pretty lasses." He flashed a grin, "But none quite so interesting as you."

I laughed though my insides reeled, I believe my thought process about that point was, ‘Oh good graces. Oh good graces. Oh good graces.’ "You’re a flirt, and a bold flirt at that."

He grinned back, "My mum always said I’d be a lady killer."

"Ah, so you’re a player."

"I don’t plan to be playing for anyone, but this girl I’m sweet on." My heart skipped a beat.

"Oh, lucky girl back home?"

"Lucky girl sitting next to me."

The rest was history, he swooned my like a true player, small gifts and other tokens of affection, clever dates. He’s quite the player, quite the romantic best friend with a twist. The twist was, when his semester ended, so did the romantic swirl. We said our goodbyes I saw him off on his air plane. He left. We still talk, we talk about seeing each other again, how we miss each other and our romantic fling. It was the best summer of my life, I found someone who sought me out and who turned to be my best friend.

Poetry

 

Wounds

Wounds of new,

And wounds of old.

Open one time to show,

What’s living here, what’s breathing here.

Our thoughts, our hearts, our souls.


Book of days

Book of Days

And when you stand alone on the hill side, I wish you love.

At night lying awake and alone in your bed, I wish you love.

I'm there in secret, an imaginary friend.

I'll be there in one shape or form until the end.

Let go of the past and embrace the future.

Write a new chapter into your life.

Write me into the pages of your days, books of days, book of lives. 


Childhood memory

 

I don’t have many vivid memories from my childhood. My memory only extends as far back as forth grade, I don’t remember anything before that. The only thing that remained constant whether I remember it or not, was that I was always alone. No one ever wanted to befriend me or be seen with me. It was as if I was made of cellophane. I was always ignored and when I wasn’t ignored I was picked on. Spending most of my time on my own entertaining myself became a normal occurrence. Over time I began to enjoy my solidarity, however there were the moments that I truly felt a longing for others. My most vivid memory of this happening is fifth grade during the holiday party before Christmas break..

Everyone else in my class was playing some party game together and the adults were setting up the party food. I was off by myself sitting in the corner where my teacher kept his pickled animals. I was reading the six grade summer reading book that I would need for next year, Island of The Blue Dolphins. The book was worn and the spine was now cracked despite having only been bought a few weeks prior. I had read it multiple times after finding that I enjoyed the story. Out of the corner of my eye I watched the pile of presents in the corner. I had counted and re counted, there was one missing. A part of me knew what would happen if I went over and checked the name tags, but the other part of me hoped that I was wrong. So, I tabbed the corner of my current page and placed it down. I slid it underneath the book shelf holding up the picked animals. Pushing myself up, I stood and looked around. Everyone was still preoccupied. Making my way over I plowed through the pile taking in each name with great interest. Ryan, Mike, Caitlyn, Jiya, Sophia, Christina, I continued to go through the names until my entire class was accounted for. Even the gift that I gave someone else. My present was not present.

Something broke inside of me even though I didn’t think I had anything left to break. Picking up the gift I had got my person I stared at it. I should take it back, I should rip it up and break it and throw it away. I should make her hurt like they’ve all hurt me. They should know how they hurt me. A thought occurred to me, that would make me just like them. I would be purposefully causing the suffering of another person. No matter how much I had been hurt, that would never be okay. I can only be hurt if I allow them to hurt me. But she should suffer! She should hurt and cry and feel alone just like every other person had done to me my entire life. I wanted to make her cry. This internal struggle continued for what seemed like an eternity. Finally my side of moral won over and I put down the present. I hope that it broke the second that she touched it. That would serve her.

So, with a heavy heart I went back and sat down. Reaching into my hiding place, I pulled out my book. Opening the book, I un tabbed the page and continued to read. After a few pages I couldn’t forget the feeling of hurt, my eyes stung with withheld tears. My thumb held my page as I stood and took my book with me. Going to the door I looked back at the group still having fun together. A bitter resentment held me there for a moment. I wanted to kick and scream and carry on and show that I wouldn’t take this standing down anymore. With a tired sigh I turned around, grabbed the handle and left, even if I had done that it wouldn’t have mattered. Turning left down the hallway I walked until I came to the bathroom. Opening the door I walked in. It was pink and white, a perfectly girly girls room. Turning around I locked the door, and then walked to the final stall. Once inside I locked that door as well. As disgusting as it was I wedged myself between the toilet and the wall. Feeling so closed in and small made me feel better. My thumb still held the place in my book, and I opened it.

My eyes still stung with tears and my chest heaved heavily. A sob tore through the silent bathroom, echoing off the tiled walls. Crushing my face to the book I cried. It was always like this, and would always be like this. At that moment I felt so completely alone and sad I wondered why I existed. I sat there for a very long time, crying, collecting myself, crying again. It was a never ending cycle, I would calm myself enough to stop crying, then think of those who had friends back in the room and how happy they were with each other. Right about now they were opening their presents. I wouldn’t be missed as I had no present. And even if they had noticed that I was gone it wouldn’t have mattered. I stayed in the bathroom wallowing in my own self pity and misery. Once I was sure of my self collection I let myself out of my safe haven and went back down the hall to the room.

I entered, the food hadn’t been served yet but the presents had been opened and everyone was playing together and sharing with each other. No one had noticed my absence, not that I had expected anything less. Sitting back down in my corner I reopened my book and continued to read. The others continued to play. Finally when the meal was served we all ate, I ate in my little corner while the others cramped together in a circle. I was okay with this, its how life was. And at the end of the night when I left, no one said goodbye, and I didn’t say good bye to anyone. We were two separate sides of the tracks. If they didn’t want me, then I didn’t need them.

Place

I am not the kind of person who needs a place to go when the world becomes too much. Hiding from the harshness of reality does not help, it’s better to take it head on and fight to the best of your abilities. However, when in the anomaly that reality becomes too much, and I need to go somewhere, and when I need a release, I go to a place where my life is not my own. The place is old and creaky, and in order to get there I have to strap on my sword, take up my wand, grab the reins of the nearest horse, and I gallop off into my sunset. I find myself traveling to different times, and different worlds; Rivendell, Gondor, Carthaki, Tortall, Hogwarts, and all those other wonderful places that have captivated my mind, my imagination as far back as my memory extends.

Certain moods dictate the need for certain places. When I am having a bad day, when I feel ugly and unwanted, I head for the land of ultimate beauty and harmony. I am no longer Kelsey, I am Linwë, an elf from Mirkwood with two thousand years under my belt. I have come to Rivendell as a place of refuge while there is turmoil in my home lands. Elrond offers me leave to stay in his palace of peace, and I accept. I feel beautiful. Bilbo and Gandalf appear along with thriteen dwarves. Upon their upcoming departure I go with them, not because I am wanted, but I am needed. They need my skills, they want my presence, to this group I am invaluable.

My ego has been blown upon receiving a bad grade. I need to get that feeling of strength and empowerment back. I put down my test and grab my shield, with my sword I’ll cut through that haze. I am dropped in the heart of the battle of Pelennor Fields. The battle is hard, oliphaunts dominate he field with the Uruk-Hai. Legolas and Aragorn arrive with the Dead Men of Dunharrow, and the battle wages in our favor. Our opponents are large and strong, much bigger than I. However, I am fast, and I have friends at my back, protecting me, empowering my efforts. The battle is won, and I am though weighed down by a heavy heart, a new feeling of strength picks me up and carries me forth to the next great battle. My feelings of strength and empowerment have returned to me, and we move forward to continue the great journey, I continue my journey.

I’m happy, excited, ecstatic to the point where I’m about to explode with this endless amount of abundant energy. The wand in my hand tingles as I shoot another spell at my attacker, I’m in a one on one duel with a Death Eater, hooded and masked. He shoots a cutting hex, and I duck and shoot back a borderline illegal rope binding hex. I hit my mark. The Death Eater is down, bound, and ready for processing on his one way ticket to Azkaban. My pulse roars in my ears and pounds heavily in my skull. Despite being no Gryffindor I throw myself head long into the next battle. Standing back to back with Filius Flitwick we cover each other while facing our separate opponents. Lucius Malfoy is my attacker. He shoots, I shoot, our spells meet in the middle and a bright light blinds everyone in the surrounding area for a few moments. When the light has dissipated, he is down and I am standing. A wave of exhaustion hits me and my eyes slowly drift shut, my energy expended.

Ever since I was young enough to understand my personal consequence relies on my personality I have tried to shape myself by the character’s and places I have read about. My own personal haven that I can go to when the word becomes too much. I know that no matter what the situation is, I am welcome- needed. I am completely at home in the world that resides within the pages of my books. Somewhere in between chapters thirteen and fourteen their lives become my own. Somewhere among the stained pages my fingers have turned so many times before, I find my peace. The stories that I read, that become a part of me, protect me in my daily life, and will continue to protect and shape me. "Nai tiruvantel ar varyuvantel i Valar tielyanna nu vilya." ‘May the Valar protect you on your path under the sky.’

They all lived happily, happily, happily
Ever after.
The couple is happily leaving the chapel
Eternally tied.
As the curtain descends, there is nothing but
Loving and laughter.
When the faerie tale ends, the heroines always
A bride.

Ella, the girl of the cinders,
Did the wash and the walls and the winders,
But she landed a prince who was brawny and
Blue-eyed and blond.
Still I honestly doubt that
She could ever have done it without that
Crazy lady with the wand-

((Spoken))
Cinderella had outside help!

((Sung))
I have no one but me.
Faerie godmother, godmother, godmother!
Where can you be?

((Spoken))
I haven't got a fearie godmother. I haven't even got a godmother
...I have a mother... a plain, ordinary woman...

((Sung))
Snow White was so pretty, they tell us,
That the Queen was insulted and jealous.
When the mirror declared that snow white
Was the fairest of all
She was dumped on the border
But was saved by some men who adorded er'
Oh, I grant you- they were small

((Spoken))
That girl had seven of them. Practically a regiment!

((Sung))
I'm alone in the night,
By myself. Not a dwarf, not an elf, not a
Goblin in sight!

((Spoken))
That girl had seven determind little men working day and night just for her- Oh sure, the Queen gave her a poison apple, even so...

((Sung))
She lived happily, happily, happily ever after.
A magical kiss counteracted the
Apple- Eventually.

Though I know I'm not that clever, I'll do what
They tell me I hafta!
I want some happily ever after to happen to
Me.

Rapunzel had platinum tresses
That were double the length of her dresses.
She was kept in a tower for years by a wicked
Old Witch.
'Til one night in depair, down
She scrambled by letting her hair down-
That's what I call quite a switch!

((Spoken))
I wonder... No, it'll never hold.

((Sung))
I'll be finished before I begin
And besides I don't want to get out
I want to get in!
I want to live happily, happily, happily ever
After.
I want to walk happily out of a chapel
Eternally tied-
For I know that I'll never live happily ever
After
'Til after I'm a bride.

Then I'll be happily happy!
Yes, happily happy!
And thoroughly satisfied!




Pavvy wants to find her happily ever after someday.

Phone call from hell.

HAHAHAHA!



Actual conversation.


Bring.
Frantic searching for phone.
Finds it under couch.
Answers.
"Is this who lives in Bristol County?"
"Yes, it is."
"This is in Braintree. Your pregnency test came back positive. Congradulations."
Click.
Fetal Position.
Bring.
"Yes? I think you have the wrong "
"This is not who lives in Bristol County?"
"It is, but I never took a pregnancy test."
"Oh.... Sorry to disturb you."
Click.
Fetal Position.
T_T

I'm pregnant!

I'M PREGNANT!
YEP I'M FREAKIN PREGGERS AT FIFTEEN!


You know how lately Dan and I walk home with each other? Well at first we are with Amanda and Steve, but then they leave, and well. Steve you know how you've been asking ((every night might I add)) ,suggestively, asking- has it been fun?

Yes. Well. I can never look at those bushes by that damn church the same way again...


So ya. Remember how I was home sick on Monday? Ya, I went to Braintree, and took a pregnancy test. The results came back today after Steve left*. Dan and I are going to be parents!.... ::dies::

Don't kill me! Or Dan! I don't want to be a single mum!

*Steve, Dan, and I were hanging out at my house.

Hmmm AHHH! BURNING!

Okay, so I'm sitting here at my desk ((in kitchen, you know the one)) and all of a sudden, I get over whlemed with the smell of smoke. I'm like, wth?!?!?!?!?!! Turn around and relax, "Oh mum's cooking."



So that's my day so far. Having a party later, feel free to stop by!

Letters

I got a letter from my cousin, cause his father probably isn't going to let him see the family anymore ((bad divorse)) So he got some lyrics, and he put them in the letter, it's the song I taught him to slow dance to. I basically raised him, I taught him how to tie his shoe, how to do the perfect head lock, flirt with a girl, and I kept him out of trouble he was prone to get near.

I can't remember when you weren't there
When I didn't care for anyone but you
I swear we've been through everything there is
Can't imagine anything we've missed
Can't imagine anything the two of us can't do

Through the year, you've never let me down
You turned my life around, the sweetest days I've found
I've found with you ... through the years
I've never been afraid, I've loved the life we'e made
And I'm so glad I've stayed, right here with you
Through the years

I can't remember what I used to do
Who I trusted, whom I listened to before
I swear you've taught me everything I know
Can't imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more

Through the years, through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had, I've always been so glad
To be with you ... through the years
It's better everyday, you've kissed my tears away
As long as it's okay, I'll stay with you
Through the years

Through the years, when everything went wrong
Together we were strong, I know that I belonged
Right here with you ... through the years
I never had a doubt, we'd always work things out
I've learned what love's about, by loving you
Through the years

Through the years, you've never let me down
You've turned my life around, the sweetest days I've found
I've found with you ... through the years
It's better everyday, you've kissed my tears away
As long as it's okay, I'll stay with you
Through the years!


It touched my heart, and I've never had someone express feelings to me through song before. Has it happened to you?

Possession.

listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning
memories trapped in time
the night is my companion
and solitude my guide
would i spend forever here
and not be satisfied

and i would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear

through this world i've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find a honest word
to find the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhyme
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive

and i would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear

into this night i wander
it's morning that i dread
another day of knowing of
the path i fear to tread
oh into the sea of waking dreams
i follow without pride
nothing stands between us here
and i won't be denied

and i would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear
i'll hold you down
kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes